Hello and happy Sinterklaas to you all! The Saint has left Holland to go to spain. His replacement is that nice chubby guy the Americans replaced him with. And what did Nicolas leave me as a gift? diabetes? No he's not that of an ass. But I did receive and horrid dream or rather a nightmare that I had for several time when I was young. I blocked it out, and my o my is it DEPRESSING!! let me count the ways before we move on to a gift less depressing lol
First off all as in some dreams I have, I get an info dump kinda like Neo had in the Matrix. So suddenly it feels like that is the life I lived and that this is how I feel about it. This can happen at any time in my dream, almost always when I actually need to remember something. Any way my dream starts with a kid who's in an apartment. The few memories I still got of it is that he's in America and that the flat is akin in its state of decay as my old house was. Only we don't get sick of killer mold. The kid had some problems I would later have at school. Everybody is picking on him. Except for one girl, of course it being my dream the girl is japanese and her dad barely speaks English. The boy is there because he was invited, to this stay-over of like 7 teen girls who do nothing but blablablabla. But the party is going well, and the girls seem to accept the boy. After they leave he decides to help with dinner and after the dad notices that there's not much good to eat in the fridge and tries to explain it, He leaves for take-out I guess. The girl and boy are alone and decide to watch some telly on a brick of a tv, then someone knocks on the door and the girl says her dad has a key so they should not open the door. As she says that the door gets kicked in, and there's these 2 gang members who are so 80's they make Bebop and Rocksteady look dignified. And the only reason they bust in is... To shoot the girl. Nothing else, they leave the building with these douchebag smiles and let the kid watch her dying on the couch with her blood covering half the floor quickly. Suddenly we pass a few months and it turns out she had indeed died, and the crooks though familiar got away scott-free to party and slaughter, that's where my dream ends.
The feeling I got from this where so clear with every passing second, of this dream that you might as well call it a dream on itself. First the sadness of being picked on again, Then the mixed feelings of being with a friend but also with people I don't particularly trust. Hunger when wanting to make dinner. Impatience when the dad leaves. Joy and calmness when watching the tv. angst when when there's some one at the door in a shady neighbourhood. Shock when the door gets knocked down and the shots are fired. Sadness and helplessness as the girl slips away and blood covers the floor. And anger and loss when the ones who did it got away.
This is my dream and I had it like 3 times now, Ever since I was 6. I always get depressed when I have it. But it doesn't feel like my story, But it the feels are there. And even though this time it was a lucid dream and I got the gun before it fired, I still feel unsatisfied when I woke up. Its just a depressing dream that is the total opposite of the one where I actually meet a cute girl at a congress building. That dream felt good, And I am using the memories of that dream to block out the suck of the dream I just had, With little result really. The loss is the worse, I really can't deal with it at any time of the day, I hope not to have this dream again. Either way the real gift is actually not blocking it out right away but to write about it and get it of my chest. Best Sinterklaas gift ever.